2 Corinthians 5:17 This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person.
The old life is gone; a new life has begun!
This was the promise God gave me one year ago. A promise of newness and restoration. To
restore something is to bring it back to its initial state by repairing or cleaning it. I needed both
and God did it for me.
So here’s my testimony. I grew up one of six children to an amazing mother and father. I was
always known by community for singing and at seven I joined a somewhat prominent choir
which led me to gain more exposure as the youngest group member. I loved the attention. I
was everyone’s sweetheart as I excelled in music and academics. Life was good, everybody
loved me, even those I didn’t know and I figured it was because of the things I did. I even
applied that principle to God. Based on the limited knowledge I had about him, I assumed that
He would love me as long as I stayed pure and did what I knew I was required to do. I enjoyed
being a people pleaser and things came pretty easy for me.
Now…….. fast forward to my teenage years around the age of fifteen. Having done things by
the ‘Book’ up to this point I had my entire life figured out. I would finish university, get into a
relationship, get married and live happily ever after. Now don’t get me wrong of course I had
my crushes here and there but I was always too afraid to pursue them and I never liked the
idea of lying. After my fifteenth birthday however I met a young man ,two years older than
myself, who became my best friend and 1 year after meeting we began my very first romantic
relationship. Having been friends beforehand we discussed all our boundaries of which no sex
before marriage was the main one.
The early stages of our relationship was GRREAT!!!. NO problems, NO quarrels I was in
LOVEEEE……. And he seemed to be as well.. HOWEVER by our second year, things got a Bit
rocky and the PRESSURE for us to be intimate began to build. Ohhh I forgot to mention that he
lost his virginity prior to meeting me. We went back and forth arguing about the situation
neither wanting to budge. Then I sat and had ‘the talk’ with myself. I assessed why I wanted to
wait until I was married and realized that I wanted my husband to be my one and only, and Of
COURSE you know this dude was gonna be my husband anyway 😑 So I thought “ What’s the
Big Deal? “ “ You know after all relationships are about COMPROMISE”……………..
So long story short we became intimate and immediately after I regretted it.i felt like I had
blown it with God and to make things worse one week later we broke up after he found
someone else. Now let me tell you I was in a HOT, FLAMING MESS. I couldn’t eat or sleep I just
wanted to die. I felt cheap and worthless like I was no longer good enough for anyone to love. I
think what killed me the most was knowing I had disappointed God for one and so many of my
loved ones including my mother that warned me against it. So I covered my shame and hurt
and tried dealing with it on my own. That however proved to be a disaster in itself as I could not
function in school which resulted in me dropping out of university.
From there it was a downward journey for me. I couldn’t bring myself to tell my family and
those I loved that I was a failure so I hid. Until my entire life became about concealing my
shame. My family had no idea I was out of school and I spent years running from God. I couldn’t
bring myself to face him. I knew I needed him in my life but I felt unworthy to bring such a
broken, dirty and messy vessel before him. I felt like it was my responsibility to fix the mess of
a life I had created before I could surrender to God. Little did I know that He wanted to do the
fixing. After numerous times of trying on my own I finally gave up and broke down. I couldn’t do
it myself. I needed him no matter what it took. Even if it meant he wouldn’t love me as much I
needed him. I became desperate for God’s love. I remember approaching those altars feeling
heavy and burdened. Like I was reduced to a mere reflection of who I used to be. No identity,
no confidence, no purpose, no nothing. I was just empty and burdened. I came to Christ looking
for comfort and I got so much more. I walked away from those altars forgiven, with a peace
that surpasses all understanding and most of all with a promise of restoration.